As much as one would want it to be so, life isn’t a fairytale. We don’t live in a perfect world and so it is only wishful thinking to believe that marriage is going to be one long happy ride. It takes a lot for two people to really believe that they are going to stick together, come what may. Marriages are made in heaven but man is responsible for their maintenance, they say. The moment one ceases to have any undue expectations from one’s partner, everything falls in place. Having unrealistic expectations is perhaps the most likely cause for couples to get disheartened. More often than not, people expect let things take their own course without actually trying to do something that would help in bettering their relationships. At the other end of the spectrum is the tendency to take your partner for granted and thereby killing your chances of any real happiness.
Living together and the domesticity of marriage does build a sort of bond but then it cannot be as enriching and fulfilling as it has the potential to be. Hence, the need to communicate with each other for most of the issues get sorted out by dialogue. The tragedy is that people do not often communicate when they sense trouble coming and let the situation take its own course without actually trying to bridge the gap and talk instead. Keeping the communication going is essential as that would clear a lot of real and most importantly, imagined hurt. It’s never easy to deal with an unhappy marriage. More often than not, it’s takes a toll on both the partners and perhaps, affects them in many ways than they could possibly imagine. These are matters of the heart after all. Heart knows no logic and one cannot try to work things out without genuinely feeling for it. Therein lies the catch for no relationship can stand the test of time if there is mere affectation and deceit.
A truly happy marriage calls for lot more than so called “chemistry” for there must be a heartfelt desire for the relationship to grow. Trust and unconditional love is of paramount importance but then, most would argue, that is the ideal situation and calls for nothing to mend, for the couple would most likely be happy in such a scenario. Nevertheless, fidelity is of paramount importance because loyalty is what marriage is all about. There must be a total acceptance of each other. Expressing your love for each other with giving each other attention in every which way possible goes a long way in making the partner feel wanted and secured. Likewise, it is much better for both the partners to have positive, healthy and constructive criticism instead of expecting each other to telepathically read each other’s minds (well, if the couple does indeed has that facility, there is nothing like it!) The approach must be non confrontational and non judgmental with each partner making an earnest attempt to understand the root cause and try to learn and grow from each experience.
Honesty is the foundation on which successful relationships are built. There is nothing that can ruin a marriage more than being untruthful and insincere. Being upfront and candid helps the relationship to be more open and fun sans insecurities and fears. Talking about the most mundane to inconsequential things brings the couple closer to one another. Empathy and the need to be appreciated and accepted for the person that one is instead of an idealized image are of utmost importance. Most couples overlook the very things that can make or mar a relationship. They do not make an effort to hear each other out and keep complaining about the emptiness and the loneliness of their lives.
Individuality and personal idiosyncrasies are essential as that is what makes each other unique. The difference of opinion is only natural but the relationship cannot be nurtured unless love and the desire to stay together are stronger than anything else. People fail to realize that small and trivial things could lead to the end of the relationship solely because of a lack of tolerance and patience. Therefore it is imperative that the couple iron out the differences and keep the friendship and intimacy intact.
Fulfilling each other’s emotional needs is what intimacy is all about. Intimacy and friendship is what helps the relationship going and keeps the romance alive. Albeit, the euphoria one feels during courtship gives way to a much deeper and stable bond, the relationship gets stronger as time passes by. There may be or will be a few bumps along the way, but that is when the couples must stick together and not give up on each other. Spending quality time with each other and understanding each other’s secret fears and anxieties is of seminal importance. The bottomline is that there must be no fear of ridicule or condemnation from the other partner. When the fear disappears, there is just a feeling of contentment and peace. The emotional maturity of the partners will help them weather the storms and realize that they have truly become “one” in every sense of the word.
The comfort and the stability in a relationship determines the strength and the deep bond that the couple shares. Finally, there is something inexplicable about why some marriages work while others don’t. There will always be some part of mystery involved that is difficult to explain or maybe just not possible to because the heart has its ways and perhaps that’s about it.